Beneath the Heavens Page 23

  Abby blushed. “Sorry, I don’t know why I feel so jealous.”

  Esther checked the chicken potpie, golden and baked to perfection. “It is only natural that you feel jealous Abby, and I’m surprised you have not acted on it. That shows a great deal of fortitude and maturity.”

  “Oh, I’ve wanted to show it—especially when Rachel is all over him.”

  “She’s always all over him, isn’t she?”

  “Yes, but her attentions have increased and I never worried because he hardly seemed interested until he asked her to the festival, and then all of a sudden I start remembering different things between them. Him laughing at her crude jokes, or letting her stand close to him with her—” Abby did a type of messy wave with her hands in front of her chest. “You know, her overabundance of —” again she waved.

  “Breasts?” Esther asked, her lips curling in good humor.

  “Yes!” Abby exclaimed. “I believe in looking feminine, but does she really have to show so much all the time?”

  Esther laughed. “You know in all truth my heart goes out to Rachel. I have a feeling that if we were to go into her heart and mind we would find a very insecure young woman. Despite her beauty, considerable wealth, and status, she doesn’t seem to have any sincere relationships.”

  “Except with Will,” Abby said sadly.

  “You don’t know that yet. Listen Abby, my advice if you truly like Will or even love Will,” Esther began to set the table, “then you need to let the matter go. Let Will be a man and pursue you naturally… without any drama.”

  Joseph had now walked into the kitchen alongside Michael. “Do women always put this much thought into snagging men?” he teased with a grin.

  Abby spun around to face him. “We either do that or sit on our velvet cushions waiting for you to make up your mind and come after us women.”

  Esther began to laugh and stopped when Joseph’s gaze locked with hers. “I always know exactly what I want, and I go after it,” he said.

  Esther feigned indifference, although her heart quickened when Joseph refused to lift his eyes from her. She tried focusing on Abby’s words, something to do with men’s ignorance and women’s desperation, but she found herself melting under his gaze. Finally feeling like a foolish schoolgirl she set down the plates, stood straight, and looked up, her own flashing eyes clashing with his. She would not be intimidated by any man, nor coerced by his attractiveness.

  Joseph was surprised by Esther’s sudden boldness. Her eyes pinned him with a challenging expression. He suddenly felt awkward, like she had caught him in a forbidden act. Esther usually acted standoffish, irritated, or even frightened by his abrupt nature. This time her face clearly read that she was challenging him to stare at her in a “what are you going to do about it,” sort of way. He almost looked away when the corner of her mouth twitched and her head tilted in that foxlike way that drove him crazy. She was playing with what he gave her—straightforward temerity.

  Joseph grinned, lifting his hands in surrender. “I thought I was too old for stare offs,” he laughed.

  “A stare off, was it?” Esther said under lowered eyelashes.

  Joseph frowned, not knowing what she meant by her words. Heavens this woman drove him crazy.

  “Dinner is ready,” Esther announced suddenly, sitting herself down and motioning for Michael to come sit by her.

  Joseph motioned for everyone to wait. “Hold on, I think now is a good time for Michael’s gift.” He left the kitchen, and Abby clapped with excitement.

  “Oh, it’s wonderful,” she squealed. “We went into town yesterday to pick it up.”

  “Pick up what?” Esther asked her in a whisper. Abby merely winked.

  Joseph returned holding something under a woven cloth. “Here it is Michael—ordered especially for you and Texas Ranger worthy.”

  Joseph swung off the cloth like a magician to reveal a beautiful cowboy hat with a snakeskin band and an elaborate silver piece. Michael whooped and jumped out of his chair. Esther expected him to grab the hat, but instead he flung himself at Joseph, knocking the grown man back a few feet. Esther felt a lump solidify in her throat. Shamefully, she silently acknowledged her jealousy. She had tried with all her might to be a good mother. She had loved her son beyond description. Everything she did was with him in mind. Yet, it had been so easy for Joseph to waltz in, fitting the image of the perfect father that she herself had described, a man Michael chose as his ideal father, and suddenly her son’s love was split between her and Joseph. Joseph, who had never been there during Michael’s hard times. Joseph, who no matter what, could not love Michael as she did and could not love him as a real son. How Michael’s heart would break when Joseph left! Her son would have to learn at some point that she would not marry, but what a hard way to learn. She dreaded the moment.

  “Momma, look! Look!” Michael tried on the hat, which fit a little on the big side but fit nonetheless. He jumped up and down in front of her like an excited jackrabbit.

  Esther took him by the shoulders, holding him still and then turned him around to examine the hat. It looked like a Joseph-type hat: masculine, strong, intimidating, and certainly not understated or plain. To her surprise, she loved it.

  “Well, sugar cake, I don’t think I have ever seen a finer hat. You look just like a Texas Ranger,” she said with pride, pulling her son in for a tight embrace.

  “So what you mean is that he looks handsome, strong, rugged, and unforgettable?” Joseph said with a smile.

  Esther calmly nodded while secretly wanting to throw her plate at Joseph to knock the confident smirk off his face. Winning the affection of her son did not mean winning her, and for all his talk of friendship, he certainly was not acting like just friends. Not with the way he kept scrutinizing her. Such audacity! His forwardness made Esther angry while at the same time making her sit a little taller and feel a little better.

  When Michael had settled down, the four sat down and enjoyed dinner. Afterwards Abby stood up to go fetch dessert, which she said was a surprise. Tossing Joseph a knowing glance she asked Michael if he would come with her to the icebox. He agreed, sporting his hat with a bounce to his step. When they were a small distance away Joseph scooted his chair closer to Esther.

  “Have you been visiting Mary this week?”

  Esther nodded her head. “Yes, I have. I only visit her during school hours so that I do not need to leave Michael.”

  Joseph nodded, his brows furrowing, which Esther had learned was an indication of him debating what to say. “So I have been thinking this week on what I could do about the situation, and I have an offer.” He laughed softly at himself, “You see there is no way in heaven or hell I want you near that man.”

  Esther opened her mouth to protest, but Joseph raised his hand. “Wait,” he quickly added, “I understand you have a duty to his wife, and honestly I admire that, but I want to go with you. I’ll drive you to the door and stay outside the room until you have finished.”

  Esther shook her head. “You don’t understand. Toby will not allow another man in his home. If you come, I might not be able to examine Mary, which means there may be complications, which means she can lose the baby or her own life,” Esther said firmly; the light quiver in her voice was the only hint of the deep desperation she was feeling.

  “Toby won’t have a choice. I am a Texas Ranger, a servant of the law.”

  “In Texas.” Esther reminded him dryly.

  “In Texas, yes, but also of the United States of America. Sheriff Ben himself said he could use my help, and in Colorado that means I am practically a certified deputy,” he said lightly. “Listen Esther, I will go with you no matter what, even if Sampson and I follow behind you and track you down.”

  Esther shook her head with a laugh that turned more into a sigh. “Do you always take away people’s choices?”

  “I try not to, but with those I care about, I will do anything to protect them,” he said, his face turning serious and his voice
deepening.

  “It’s easy to confuse caring and controlling,” Esther said, her voice tinged with ice. “It has been my experience that often caring is used to mask the selfish need to control.”

  Joseph nodded in full agreement. “You’re right. I know I can be a little too…” he grinned sheepishly, “alpha wolf. But as I said, it is only because I have a strong desire to protect and care for those I love—not control them.”

  Esther studied him for a good moment before her lips curled into an amused smile. “An alpha wolf?”

  Joseph threw back his shoulders in jest.

  “Joseph the Alpha Wolf sounds pretty nice I must say,” Esther laughed with a slight shrug and glanced around for Michael out of habit, but he was still gone with Abby. “You know, a study in Europe was done recently concerning wolves. Michael has a weakness for animals, and so we often buy books about them. This study found that, as you have confirmed, each wolf pack has an alpha but it is not always a male. A female can lead her own pack without the help of a male. She can hunt, provide, protect, and lead as good as any male wolf.” Esther cocked her head with an “I win” flick of a smile. “Interesting, is it not?”

  Joseph laughed. “I know the study as well. It also described how the wolves mate for life.” He leaned forward, the veins in his forearms tensing. “For life,” he repeated slowly. “The male courts the females by laying his kill at her feet.”

  “Out of submission,” Esther concluded.

  “Out of respect and admiration. I believe that the reason wolves mate for life is because the male and female are equal. The male knows he needs the female, her intelligence and speed. Her ability to stalk, hunt, and kill matches his own. He admires this and as such considers it an honor to care for her—” he leaned even closer, “to mate with her.”

  Esther wanted to look away; her skin was warm and her pulse throbbed in her neck, but Joseph chained her attention to his words, willing her to listen to him with his husky voice. “Respect and admiration?” Esther asked, her voice catching.

  “He is not trying to subdue her nor does he think her incapable of caring for herself. He merely admires and respects her as an equal and wishes to be a part of her world. A man who truly loves a woman and thinks her strong and virtuous will want to take care of her, for she is the blessing that he must value.”

  “A man?” Esther asked, unable to help the smile that crept onto her lips.

  Joseph grinned boyishly. “I’m sorry, did I say man? My mistake. I meant wolf.”

  “What are you saying about wolves?” Abby asked, carrying out a cake with white frosting and sweet berries.

  “Good heavens, Abby! Did you make that?” Esther exclaimed.

  Abby beamed. “Yes, I did. I worked all morning to make this.”

  “She finally got it after three tries. Wonder why we had so many birds today? They were all pecking at burnt or doughy cake crumbs,” Joseph revealed.

  Abby ignored him and set down the cake with pride, her hands on her hips. “What do you think Esther?”

  “It is beautiful Abby—and it looks delicious.”

  Michael was an inch away from the cake, biting his tongue with impatience. “We should try it!”

  Joseph laughed. “I agree with Michael. What is the point of it looking pretty if it does not taste good?”

  Abby giggled, “It does taste good, and I can guarantee it.” She began to slice her creation with a type of careful reverence. “So what were you saying about wolves?” she asked again.

  Esther glanced at her hands. Her knuckles were white from how tightly she’d been gripping her skirt. “Oh, just about a study in Europe,” she shot a glance at Joseph then back at Abby. “You know, Abby, I was thinking if after the festival Will is still not pursuing you with a vengeance,” she smiled at Joseph, “then maybe you should move on and find yourself an alpha male.”

  Thirteen

  Michael sat patiently watching his mother trying to hold her temper as she tampered with the wheel that had broken on their way to school.

  “I should have just ridden Lancelot,” Esther scolded herself, “but I needed to take so many things to Mary and Melissa and then Suzy and then—” her voice faded as she began playing with the wheel. Each time she made an exclamation of success it was followed by a disappointed sigh and an insult to the wheel.

  “You know, I don’t have to go to school, Momma. We could go for a walk, maybe go to town, make me a shirt to match Joseph for the festival and—”

  Esther spun her head to look at her son. “Match Joseph? Sweet heart, I am sorry but with your hat and belt and boots, I think you match him enough.” She turned back to the wheel, “Besides, there is enough talk going around.”

  Michael frowned. “What do you mean?”

  Esther shook her head. She was about to burn the whole wagon. “Nothing sweetheart, nothing at all.”

  “You mean the talk that you think you are too good for the men in this town so you will marry Joseph because he is from a big ranch?”

  Esther dropped the useless tools. She turned to face Michael again. “What did you say? Who is saying this?”

  Michael shrugged; apparently the gossip did not offend him. “Some of the parents and the kids at school.”

  Esther bit her lip. It was not a good morning. “Joseph is a Ranger, not a rancher.”

  Again Michael shrugged and focused on the cloudy sky. “His father has a ranch. A really, really big ranch. His father wants to give Joseph a ranch because he is getting old.”

  Esther blinked at her six-year-old son. “How is it you know all this and no one tells me anything?”

  Michael smiled. “I don’t know,” he said honestly. “I just listen.”

  Esther tried to shake off her irritation, but with each failed attempt at the wheel her irritation grew. How could people say she thought herself better? She had tried so hard to be kind, to serve, and this was what they thought of her? Not that she cared a great deal of what they thought of her, and maybe that was the problem—but still.

  Esther was just about to unload her things and begin a walk back to the house when Michael jumped to his feet and began running down the road.

  Esther instinctively flew to her feet. “Michael stop! Where are you going?”

  She began to run after him when she heard Michael shout, “Joseph! Joseph!”

  Esther squinted ahead. Sure enough, the tall broad figure of Joseph with his outrageous belt buckle shining in front of him was walking toward their wagon. Esther turned away, putting her hand to her forehead. After she had spoken about women being able to handle themselves, here she was the next day stranded with a stupid wagon that she could not fix.

  “I thought something was wrong,” Joseph laughed. “I had a premonition.”

  Esther took a calming breath before turning to face him. “A premonition?”

  Joseph shrugged. “Plain ol’ instinct.” He nodded towards the wheel, “Need help? When you two were late I figured you were either sick or something had happened on the road. In both cases I wanted to make sure you were alright.”

  Esther bit her lip. She needed help, needed it badly, but she in no way wanted it, especially from Joseph. “Thank you, Mr. Silver, but we are managing fine.”

  Joseph cocked an eyebrow so fiercely that it actually made Esther look away. “Mr. Silver, is it? You know, Miss Esther, I’ve figured out that when you call me Mr. Silver, it means you are uncomfortable, which means that right now you are lying to me.” He grinned triumphantly. “You need help with the wheel ‘cause you can’t fix it.”

  Esther’s lips parted in a frown. He sounded happy about her distress. “Really, I can figure it out, Joseph. I have done fine learning how to fix things and taking care of things myself,” she said. True, she knew how to fix things: a leaky roof, rusty pumps, and simple carpentry, but for whatever reason this wheel had a vendetta against her.

  “Esther, let me fix your wagon,” Joseph said, his voice turning gentle.

/>   Esther felt flustered. “No really I—”

  “Esther,” Joseph said her name with tenderness and took her hand. She began to pull away but stopped. His touch was not demanding, nor hard. He really was trying to calm her, comfort her. “Please, Esther,” he stepped in closer, “consider this my kill I am laying at your feet.”

  Esther blinked, his words sinking in as he moved her aside and began fixing the wheel. Michael jumped into action, sitting by Joseph and handing him tools. The mountains in their goodness sent an icy breeze to cool Esther’s moist forehead. Her hands shook, and her eyes were misty. She walked some paces away from her son and Joseph. Part of her felt silly. She had behaved like a little girl trying to prove her independence. She needed help and should have accepted it graciously. Then Joseph had said—she’d known that he had strong intentions towards her, but had hoped it was nothing more than an infatuation, something that would burn off when he left for Texas. He, however, was not merely infatuated. He wanted something more. He wanted a relationship. No, not just a relationship but a mate—a wife. It would not only be Michael’s heart that would be breaking when Joseph left, but Joseph’s heart as well. Esther wrung her hands. She would not deny that a part of her heart would break, too. She did not love Joseph. She may not hate all men anymore, but that did not mean she was capable of romantically loving one. Still, he had grown on her. She liked his intensity, his strut, his humor, and his kindness to her son. Joseph, she knew, deserved a woman who could passionately love him, a woman whom he could hold in his arms, kiss her lips till they were raw, and caress her skin without her shaking from horrific memories. Esther was not what he needed, nor deserved.

  /

  Michael bounded into the classroom announcing his excuse and pointing to Joseph to validate it. “The wheel broke but Joseph fixed the wheel. He fixed it really fast.”

  Abby smiled and motioned for Michael to take a seat. She gave a quick wave to Esther before continuing with her lesson.